Tag Archives: Mephki

NEEHU6: Part 2- The Wrath of Uncon

NEEHU6: Part Two: The Wrath of Uncon




Ethics, Schmethics

We drove out from near Manchester, New Hampshire to Hartford in what felt like record time. I had a class that I was co-teaching with Mephki, founder and commander of the NEEHU Empire, but I may have misread the schedule (and by “may have” I mean, I did) so we wound up arriving well in advance of the class.

It was good to be back in the Society.

The playground was pretty much how I remembered it. The main difference seemed to be that, instead of the pale undecorated walls there had been last year, the walls had been painted red and orange, and it gave it a bit of pleasant, sultry ambience. But in any event, the feeling that surrounded me as I entered was the feeling that I was coming home; I saw so many people I had spent time with last year and at the various –ehus as I walked in. I felt immediately comfortable and in my own element. It was fantastic and heartwarming.

Being early at least allowed me to attend a class on “Overcoming Resistance,” which was a fun demo class taught by the erudite LeadPrism and the clever and gorgeous SashasTrance. Largely they focused on when the subjects “pretend” to resist, and ways to circumvent or have fun with that kind of resistance play. Part of it was to feed into the fantasy so many of us share of having our will overcome by a skilled hypnotist. Some of it is (and I think I’m actually giving away secrets, so my Subjects Card may get revoked) that we subjects like the attention hypnotists give us, and resisting means that the hypnotist will be paying that much more attention to us. It’s a little bit like the “brat” paradigm in some BDSM relationships.

[The “brat” paradigm occurs where certain submissives will “act up”– perhaps by deliberately disobeying a command, perhaps just by deliberately making the dominant work harder for something, or perhaps by something else—in order to get punished by the dominant. Essentially, the brat is goading the dominant. Some people love the dynamic, because it injects a certain level of fun and change into the relationship. On the other hand, some people can’t stand it, in part because on a certain level, the power exchange originates with the brat—the brat acts out to initiate the punishment, the punishment isn’t devised at the behest or whim of the dominant.]

In any event, resistance play can be a tool by subjects to draw more attention from the hypnotist. Other times it can serve as a tool for a role-play scene. LeadPrism and SashasTrance enjoy doing interrogation scenes, particularly mad scientist scenes. So practicing and playing with “resistance” is central to that kind of play.

The demos were fun and hot, and the questions and discussions were likewise on point and informative. I felt like the weekend was already off to a great start.

Right after that was the first of three classes that I was helping to present that day.

The first class of the day for me was “Intro to NEEHU 101.” For this class, Mephki and I went over the history of NEEHU and gave first-timers an overview of what to expect from the weekend and how to get the most out of their experiences. Part of the point of the class is also to emphasize the need for all the participants to take care of themselves. We try to remind them to get enough sleep, drink plenty of fluids, and watch themselves if or when they might suffer from “con drop” after the weekend. We also reinforced general ethical criteria, emphasizing the need for consent from subjects and hypnotists alike. We answered questions and led a general discussion. I was very gratified that people seemed engaged and enthusiastic about the event and the outline that Mephki and I provided.

The second class for me was Hypnotic Amnesia with LeeAllure. This was a repeat of a class we had done at MEEHU and WEEHU, and is based on the book the two of us have been working on. I’d like to say I can remember most of it, but I, frankly and not at all ironically, have dim recollections of what we did. (It worked!) I know we spoke about some of the techniques we used, as well as demonstrating a few of the games we’ve played with amnesia.

I’m pretty sure she had me demonstrate our “special water” game. This is a variant on the Merovingian scene from the Matrix: Reloaded, where a chocolate is given to a woman which produces an orgasmic effect on the woman who immediately forgets about it. For my part, Lee has given me a post-hypnotic trigger that, when she calls whatever I’m drinking the “Special Water,” I have a feeling of an orgasm with every sip…. And then I forget that I had the orgasm. The lingering effect, however, is that I feel thirsty… which of course makes me drink more water. I am told that it can be very entertaining to watch. People again seemed engaged and fascinated by the overall topic.

The third class was the Ethics Roundtable, which was billed as a panel discussion with HypnoMaestro, Sleepingirl and myself. I say that we were billed as a panel discussion because there was apparently some miscommunication wherein HypnoMaestro was under the impression that he was the moderator of the discussion. This turned out to be fine, just not what I expected. In any event, the class had a robust and frank exchange of views, with HypnoMaestro giving what he described as the “State of the Union of Hypnotic Ethics for NEEHU.” He recounted a progression from the first time ethics was discussed at NEEHU where the central question was actually “Do we need ethics?” to today, where-by the end of the class- the question seemed to be “What Sort of Ethics Should We Have?” Which leads me to the following tangent, which might be boring to some of you, so please feel free to skip ahead where there will be some sexy bits.

Tangent: Pynchon Pontificates on Hypno-Ethics…. Again.

One of the suggestions I made at the class was that the –ehu’s should individually impose as close to a mandatory orientation/ethics class for new attendees as reasonably possible.

What surprised me more than any other thing I witnessed was that several people were adamant that this was a bad idea. Why? The only reason I heard (or remember being given) was that it was because people don’t learn when it’s mandatory.

Let me state for the record (he said, pounding on the podium) that I think it’s a terrible, terrible idea not to have “mandatory” ethics/orientation classes.

[I put “mandatory” in quotes because a small, privately-operated convention would simply not have the resources to investigate whether someone was attending an –ehu for the first time. Therefore, there would really be no way to strictly enforce a “mandatory” ethics/orientation class requirement. So when I say “mandatory,” what I mean to say is that the –ehu has a statement that says something to the effect of “New attendees are strongly encouraged to attend this class for their own safety, knowledge and enjoyment.”]

If, in fact, it is the case that a clueless hypnotist or subject can cause damage whether through neglect or ignorance, then it seems a no-brainer (if you’ll pardon the pun) to have such a mandatory class. I’m led to believe that every state in the US (and most countries around the world) requires people to attend classes before earning a driver’s license. Is the idea that such classes are boring a reason to jettison the notion of requiring such classes?

To the retort that “such classes create the illusion of safety, which cannot be guaranteed” (which I have heard as a partial justification for not having such classes) I would counter that driver’s-ed classes are likewise no “guarantee” of safety, yet few would deny that, on balance, the existence of such classes makes the world and the highways safer.

And finally, to the retort that “mandatory classes are boring,” I suppose that just makes it a challenge to those who would teach it to make it more interesting and fascinating to the class. As I pointed out in the discussion, my “Subjects 102” class is really 2/3 about ethics and setting boundaries. It’s merely incumbent on discussion facilitators to be more enticing, and to fold ethics discussions into their standard classes.

I’d also point out that it’s not unheard of for kink-related organizations to require people to attend one or more munches and/or orientation classes before being allowed to attend play-parties, so there is a track-record of such requirements.

And with that, I get to hop down from my soap-box.

The rest of the discussion was, for me, really interesting, because it felt like everyone was taking the topic seriously, had strong views, and was respecting everyone else’s opinion. More importantly, it did not devolve into a shouting match, nor did I get the sense that anyone’s feelings were hurt. If only all of life’s important dilemmas could be conversed about so easily. The conversation continued onto Fetlife, and took on its own life (as one would imagine). Many conversations centered on the question of what ethics in hypnosis should look like, why or whether EH should have an ethical code separate and/or distinct from any other kink-related activity, and what enforcement should (or shouldn’t) look like.

Directly afterwards, a group of our friends had a meeting to discuss our “Consensual-Non-Consent (“CNC”)” game. The methodology behind the game was that anyone involved was given a gold or a red-colored necklace. The red-color meant that you were a “bottom,” while the gold meant you were a top. (Switches would wear both necklaces.) Each of us wrote down our limits on a post-it we stuck to the back of our name-tag. Otherwise, anyone with a red necklace could do anything to a person with a gold necklace as long as each was wearing the necklace (and within the parameters of the limits). This essentially meant that there were shenanigans throughout the weekend with our extended troupe of marauders.

After that class, and our little meeting, I admit, I was a little beat. We made our way back to the hotel where HYS, Lee’s slave, had put our luggage away. We rested for a bit, got changed and then headed back to the Society for play-time.

The first order of business once we got back was for me to find WildNutmeg and tackle her…. Wait. No. Actually, it was to bring her into the back room, where we had volunteered to help out with dual inductions. Wiseguy and Mrs. Wiseguy were the ostensible coordinators, but I gather from his blog that Mrs. Wiseguy was busy all day and the two of them did not reach the Society until quite late, so Nutmeg and I were on our own at first.

We did a couple of inductions, including a beautiful one with Unidragon in which we had her envisioning herself flying and soaring into the air and into a trance and in an out of several hypnotic orgasms. It was great to see how Nutmeg and I worked together doing something that we hadn’t actually practiced. We had established an incredible rapport at Deep Mind Dark Wood (for reasons which I’m working on explaining in a separate blog) and it was wonderful to see that rapport continue. We fell into sync very easily. We did a few more, and then Lee volunteered to sit between us.

We did our darndest to take her into a trance. But apparently at some point I happened on the phrase “it’s such a good feeling.” It turns out that when I happen on a phrase I like, I repeat it. Which was unfortunate, because Lee flashed back to Mister Rogers singing “It’s a good feeling,” which was decidedly unsexy.

Nevertheless, Lee forgave me, because she immediately turned the tables on us, and did a very quick double trance on Nutmeg and I. I…actually don’t remember everything she told us. Shortly thereafter, she was off to do a scheduled group trance and Nutmeg was asked by Wiseguy to do some dual trances with him and Mrs. Wiseguy.

Before too long, it was time for Lee and I to do a demo. We had decided on a hypno-interrogation scene, much like the one she and I had done at MEEHU. This time Nutmeg was invited to join us. Nutmeg and I conferred, and chose a “secret code,” which is what Lee would attempt to get out of us. We decided on the first 6 numbers of the Fibonacci sequence: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. Where I had the first three numbers (1,1,2) and Nutmeg got the last three (3,5,8). Almost immediately I realized my mistake: Nutmeg, having the second group, would almost certainly wait for me to break, before she did. So I wouldn’t have the joy of watching her break first.

Lee went after us using a variety of hypnotic, NLP, and other techniques. It should be noted that I can be a little mouthy in these situations. So I might say things like, “If I confess will you stop boring us?” “You really are a bitch, aren’t you?”, and the classic, “Fuck off!” There was slapping, some hair pulling, and one point where she stood on my thigh in her high heel shoes. Surprisingly, this did not lead to a bruise. (This will be important later.)

She played us off against each other beautifully, playing to our sympathies for each other (Though when Lee told Nutmeg she’d torture me in front of her, Nutmeg offered to help a little too eagerly, thank you very much.). She also “injected” us with a drug that made us susceptible and suggestible. She played on our rapport, telling us that each would feel what the other was feeling, as she pressed down on the place on my thigh where her heel had been.

Between the language, the physicality and the atmosphere, I was definitely soon in the mind space that I would give her what she wanted. I tried to hide breaking, by telling her that it was “First a matter of telling the truth, First a matter of not lying, and Second something to pay attention to.” But before long I told her. And then Nutmeg “broke,” as well. The shame of it was that Lee (like me) does not have a “loud” voice. And much of the interrogation was more intense than boisterous, so a lot of our scene was lost on the people watching it. Nevertheless, we had a great time.

The three of us retired to the “pillow fort” built in the corner of the play room. We laid about and talked about the scene. After a while, Lee lured us into yet another trance, playing once again on our rapport. She made the pleasure of the trance I was feeling reverberate off of Nutmeg, which reverberated off of me, and so forth, until pretty soon, the two of us were a bit of a writhing display on either side of Lee. Lee also may have used her rather fetching spiral-ish-threaded stockings as the basis for a trance, but there’s a certain point at which things got a little blurry.

Lee got up for a while, and Fleur sat down. Fleur wants to note that I did, in fact “drag her to the pillow fort by her hair.” In my defense <cough, cough> I don’t recall any actual “dragging.” But it’s entirely possible I was in such a fantastic top space that some entirely hot and consensual “dragging” may have occurred. Some people just like being treated like a puppet… Or a poppet. I had worked with Fleur a little bit before, and I had an idea. So, with their permission, I put both Fluer and Nutmeg in a trance at the same time, and gave them both the same post-hypnotic suggestion, which was loosely based on a video series called “Hysterical Literature.” Go ahead, look it up on Youtube, I’ll still be here when you’re done.

In those videos, a woman sits at a desk, fully clothed, and reads from a book. As she does so, someone underneath applies a vibrator to her and builds her to an orgasm, as the woman attempts to keep her composure for as long as possible.

In my variant, I gave the Fleur and Nutmeg the post-hypnotic suggestion that anytime I read something to them, they would feel the words I was saying on their private parts, as if the very consonants and vowels were-ahem- strumming over them.

Shortly thereafter, I tested it by reading one of the stories I had published on Tumblr to Fleur. It was a major success. She held herself up against a wall as I, very simply, read the story to her. A few minutes later, I tried the same thing with Nutmeg. Once again, it worked. There’s a fantastic feeling in having someone literally writhing. On. Your. Every. Word.

In the middle of this, ZanyM came by and watched the scenes. I explained in detail what was happening with Fleur and Nutmeg. She was in a bit of a suggestible state, and as I set the scene, I saw that brief enchanting flutter of the eyes that indicate that the brain is accepting new commands. Before long she leaned into me, and I started reading to her… and it worked on her. It’s one of the beauties of fractionation that one can find ones’ self in such a suggestible state. I read her the same story, all the way through, and watched admiringly as she felt every single word. I was so pleased with the moment; that the evening had coalesced in three scenes, each filled with incomparable magic and beauty. I am still so speechless with how wonderfully ZanyM captured the moment from her perspective in her blog.

Sometime after this, Lee, HYS, Lee’s puppet, and I went to dinner. We wound up at our shared hotel room and chatted with ZanyM for a little while. ZanyM was gracious enough to do some of her lovely body work on me, which I greatly appreciated and left me in good stead to be energized and well for the rest of the weekend.

ZanyM’s partner, DrDream, came by, and we all gossiped and discussed our general plans for the weekend.

Shortly afterwards, exhausted after a long, long day of excitement, intrigue, and fun, we collapsed into our beds.

NEXT TIME: Class! Another Class! Yet another class!! Fun classes! All the classes!!! The future of –EHUs!!! Hypno-oh-Oh-OH! Pynchon is approached! Pynchon is approachable?? Dinner!

NEEHU5, A Personal Recap, Part 4, Saturday day

WARNING- Headed into edgy territory with the next two blogs, so if consent issues, power exchange, and off the cuff hypno scenes aren’t your thing, skip to the Sunday blog. As always, if I’ve mentioned you in a post and: (1) you’d prefer I not; (2) you think I’ve gotten something wrong; or (3) you want to send me flowers, please let me know. 


NEEHU5, Part 4: Saturday, Part 1.


“Let’s Play Master and Servant”


            Saturday morning was another early morning for me. Those of us staying at the hotel had fallen into a kind of routine by this point. We would slowly stream in to the downstairs area, mixing slightly with the muggles who were there for other reasons. We would sheepishly share secret smiles, thinking of half-remembered adventures from the day before as we dug into the lovely free buffet.

            I don’t recall there being much in the way of breakfast shenanigans that morning, and I believe I took SweetGasp and OneEyedStranger to the Society with me.

            One of the parts of the set up at the Society which I had forgotten to mention is that Mephki (who was a whirlwind of energy and brightness wherever she went) set up a place over by the vending tables where people could place hypno-personal ads. They could write on 3×5 cards what they were searching for, and who they were or where to find them. Not many people took advantage of this, sadly. I think part of it was that people hadn’t thought about it well enough in advance and so didn’t really pick up on the idea until late in the weekend. (I think I saw 4 or 5 cards there by Sunday.) One person who had placed a card was LeeAllure, who said she was looking for a “Hypno-Slave” to be a step-and-fetch-it for her. I was intrigued. One of the things I was looking forward to over the weekend was experimenting with power exchange, and, in fact, had discussed that with Lee the day before. I had also mentioned in passing that I was hoping to experiment with more physical experiences, if possible (seeing as I was at a BDSM club and all and, presumably, among experts) including being on the giving and receiving end of paddling or spanking or some such.

            Shortly after arriving, I ran into Lee. She and I continued a different conversation we hadn’t quite finished the day before, and we repaired to the back room, where there were a few booths. We started off discussing different induction methods. One method, she said in a teasing voice, involves getting close to a person’s ear and whispering gently, while at the same time kissing and licking that ear.

            “It’s for this reason,” she said, “that you should always have Q-tips handy to have a clean and inviting ear.”

            “Well,” I replied, “that makes me want to buy a lot of Q-tips.”

            “Now, now,” she said, “you don’t use the whole thing; just the tip.”

            And, autonomically, I responded, “. . . that’s what she said.”

            Have you ever made a domme blush? It’s a strangely empowering moment. That moment made us laugh harder than we had any right to.

We decided to talk about the classes that were coming up. For some reason, this quickly transitioned into running through the classes in quick, 5-10 second improvisational bits.

Hypnosis and Yoga: We stretched while seated at the booth.

Your First Induction: “You did this yesterday with LeeAnn.” “Yep, check.”

Hypnosis and Humor: “That’s what she said.” “Shut up.”

Ethics Panel: “Please don’t make me squawk like a chicken, please don’t ask me to strip naked. Please don’t do anything that would embarrass me outside of this building.” “Ok.” “Done. Next.”

Rapport Workshop: We proceeded to try to imitate each other’s body language. “Right, done.”

Erotic hypnosis 101: “All hypnosis is self-hypnosis.” “So all sex is masturbation?” Awkward pause. “Yeah, good enough.”

You can be a better subject: “Pynchon, I believe that you are a good subject now, and as you fall under as I bring my finger from here to here, you will find that you are an even better subject. Now wake up on 1, 2, 3, wide awake! “…Yeah, that’ll work.”

Abreactions: “So, if something bad happens, wake up from trance and ask for help?” “Well, that’s way oversimplifying….” “Good enough for now, next.”

Kinesthetic Trance: She reached across the table and grabbed my hands, swaying them back and forth and then in a circle, and then she pulled them and… I was out. “And 1, 2, 3, wide awake.”

Your hypnotic voice: “It’s actually quite simple. Sometimes you can hypnotize someone by starting off in a higher register and then slowly lowering your register into a lower timbre. Just like this….. and 1, 2, 3, wide awake.”

Acquiring a hypnotist: “Hey Lee?” “Yes, Pynchon.” “Would you be my hypnotist?” “Sure.” “OK, done.”

Non-D/S play to D/s play in hypnosis. “Oh. I saw your ‘personal ad.’ Can I be your hypno-slave for the day? I mean, what does that entail?” “Well, just attending to me during the day, making sure I make it to things on time, keeping me hydrated. Are you sure you’re up to it?” “Yes. Yes, I am.” “Then ok. This’ll be fun.” “Thanks.”

Instant inductions: “Hey Pynch.” “Yes?” <snap>…. And 1, 2, 3, wide awake.”

Basic inductions: “Wait, I have this one. Um. Your feet are relaxed, then your ankles, calves, thighs, hips, back, shoulders, arms, hands, neck and finally head and you’re asleep…. Something like that, right.” “Yep.” “Great, next.”

Blow away limiting beliefs: “So you weren’t sure you’d be a good subject when you came here right? Why is that?” “Well I thought my critical faculties would get in the-“ “Sleep!…. and 1, 2, 3, wide awake.” “…That is so cool.”

Community building roundtable: “I think there should be EEHU’s everywhere.” “I agree.”

Memory Play: I…. actually forget what we did for this one.

How to Push: And here she reached across the table and slapped me. I went into a sort of shock for a second. And then she slapped the other side of my face. I kind of looked down, to avoid her seeing my reaction, which was somewhere between amazement and befuddlement (and possibly a little turned on). She said “look me in the eyes.” So I did. And she slapped me a few more times. After about 4 times across each side of my face, she stopped. And we moved on.


Tangent: My reaction to getting slapped across the face

Look, this was possibly the most impactful moment of the weekend, in many ways (and if you’ll pardon the pun). When it happened, there was a moment of shock, as if the world had held still. I had several reactions. First, the (for lack of a better word) submissive part of me was really turned on. (There, I said it.). Second, the more dominant part of me was outraged, and, frankly, wanted to slap her back. I didn’t. I later asked Lee (and we did discuss this at length later) what would have happened if I had slapped her back, and she said she wasn’t sure. Probably, she said, she would have criticized the slap back and then slapped me again to show me how to do it properly. Third, the strict legalistic part of me knew that we hadn’t actually established explicit consent for her to slap me, though we had established that I was interested in pushing the envelope physically. The fourth part of me, the part that understands comedy, thought this was the funniest thing ever. In improvisational comedy, the first rule you learn is to say “yes” to things. We were in the middle of a seat-of-our-pants improv scene and she reached out to “push” me beyond my comfort zone; she said “yes” to an impulse that was edgy, and awesome. Frankly, in my opinion, that’s just brilliant. And funny. Do I think she would have done that with anyone who wasn’t in the same frame of mind as I was, who hadn’t discussed how they had wanted to stretch themselves? Oh dear god, no. But I am glad I got to do that. My only regret? Not slapping back. Because having us trade slaps for a while would have been really, really funny.


Hypno-scene negotiation: “So, um, you didn’t technically ask permission to slap me right there…” “Oh, right. Is that ok? Are you ok?” “Yes. And I think I want to do it again.” “Really? ‘Cause I can do that as part of an induction.” “…..I’m in.”

And this is where I realized that we had been sitting there for most of an hour and I needed to get her to the “rapport class,” since, as it turned out, she was teaching it.

I don’t want to give away the secrets of the rapport class, but it wasn’t a typical “hypnosis” class, per se. Rather, the point of the class was to demonstrate how people can establish a level of rapport with someone—and break that rapport—through simple techniques mostly having to do with body language and the like.

I stuck around for the next class, “Kinesthetic trance” taught by the lovely and talented ZanyMo. This class was fun inasmuch as it taught people how to go into trance using mostly physical movements. Once again, I served as Lee’s guinea pig, and was sent down into trance several times in a short period of time. I tried the same thing on Lee, and, although I did not send her into a trance (that I know of) she gave me some good pointers. At one point we had a brief hypno duel where we were both attempting to send each other into trance. To be fair, I had been really fractionated for most of the day, so I probably didn’t stand much of a chance, but I thought for a moment I had her going under. And then she snapped her fingers and said “sleep” and I was out. It’s not fair I tell you.

I got lunch for Lee as part of the “hypno-slave” portion of the proceedings, and then meandered around chatting with people for a while, enjoying the feeling of being around like-minded people in a safe and supportive environment.

I have to take a minute and underline again how awesome a job Mephki did in terms of organizing the event; everything was on time and there was a really broad variety of classes. Furthermore, in terms of general coordination, the selection of food was ideal; there were vegan, vegetarian, and carnivorous options (I think there were even kosher options, but I’m not entirely sure). I’ll thank her again when I finally get to my closing thoughts, but her touch was felt throughout the day. In addition to thanking her profusely, I was delegated “give the coordinator occasional massages throughout the weekend” duty. Mephki told me she enjoys massages that are actually on the painful side, which is a little like telling Usain Bolt to turn it up a notch, thank you very much.

The next class, “How to Push” was taught, not by a hypnotist, but by a fellow named “Max” who had flown in from Seattle and, I understand, conducts many classes in various BDSM concepts. This class was concerned with the question of when it is healthy (or not healthy) to push people to their limits. It was also about setting boundaries, and how to discuss those boundaries in an open and honest way. Max did several demonstrations with volunteers from the audience. In each case, Max went right up to the edge of consent. In essence, he made it clear what he was intending on doing, and gave the person a chance to raise an objection, but never actually asked for explicit consent before engaging (or in one dramatic moment, not engaging) in the activity. He included handouts which were very educational and helpful in terms of setting out the parameters for negotiation, consent, safe words, and aftercare. Even more interesting was watching Lee during this class; she was positively bouncing with glee. This was the kind of thing she likes (obviously). For my part, the legalistic part of me was very concerned; his methodology was not something I would normally subscribe to. I would have liked at least the explicit consent in the following regard: “You understand that I will be pushing your limits and it’s up to you to say when, right?” However, I suppose that by attending a class on “How to Push,” and then by volunteering, you do know that you are going to be pushed to your limits, whatever that is for you. In any event, regardless of my personal qualms, I think it was an extremely valuable, if advanced, class, and I’m glad I attended.

The following class was Wiseguy’s “Kinky Human Tricks.” For this class Lee sat just behind me. I understand that the point of the class was to have Wiseguy perform some basic hypnosis tricks on various people (doing a quiz show in which the subject couldn’t say the answer until after the time had expired, freezing someone, then moving them so they think they’ve been teleported from place to place throughout the room, etc.) I’m pretty sure that’s what went on, but Lee kept putting me under and then bringing me up throughout the class. By now I was so far gone that just by running her finger down my arm she put me to sleep. Run it up the same arm? I was awake again. I must give “good face” while under—at some point Lee brought me up and Wiseguy broke off in mid-sentence to say “Oh, what a great expression.” At least, I assume it was me; it may not have been, I was kind of out of it.

Tangent- On Being Topped by LeeAllure for the Day

LeadPrism and I had hung out for a good part of the weekend, and, at some point on Sunday he asked me what it was like to be “topped” by Lee for the day on Saturday. Somehow, we kept on being interrupted before I was able to give him my answer, so this is it.

It was really fun, to tell the truth. It’s not something I had ever experimented with in my life. The best way I can describe the experience is this: my fetlife profile name is “Herderofcats.” The reason I chose that name is because my usual experience in any group situation is to be constantly scanning the group to see what needs attending to. Is there someplace we all need to be by a certain time? Is someone not having a good time? Is there something I can be doing to get anyone anything? And that’s if I’m not even hosting the event. For the day on Saturday it’s as if all that energy was focused on one person and making sure that that one person’s needs were met. In a way, the focus was a relief; it meant that there was a lot less, paradoxically, for me to worry about. That also may have been because my tasks were relatively simple: keep cup filled with water, keep track of the schedule, and be available for trances. It was an interesting experiment to try for the weekend, and I was glad I did it, and grateful to Lee for the chance.

As for what did Lee get out of it? I’d have to leave that for her to answer, but you know how when cats play with balls of yarn? You don’t ask what the cat gets out of it.


[I’m leaving out some fun conversations I had during the day on Saturday with LeadPrism, SweetGasp, DrDream, ZanyMo, GleefulAbandon and Marc Cabot. I also teased Ms. Mesmer incessantly about what Marc and I had planned for her that evening. I also recall that Marc also used the “that’s not funny” trigger a couple of times on both of us. Also, apparently, my skills as a masseuse had not gone unnoticed, and the lovely LuckyAlbatross requested my services at some point to work on a few knots after her long trip. I’d go into further detail on all of these, but then this weekend would turn into rather a Proustian memoir. And no one wants that.]

After all the classes, with all the trancey ups and downs, I, somewhat ironically, needed a nap. I decided to bail on the volunteer dinner and head straight to my hotel room. I called my wife, and filled her in on my day. She said something that she’s repeated to today: I sounded happier and more “me” than I had in years. I had gone to the circus, and found at least one place I belonged. My mind… my life was opening up. And I was so happy.


Next time: Dinner! Bisque! Costume! Screwdriver! Scenes! More scenes! Settings! Tune in, won’t you?